Conflicts
Conflicts are part of the daily life. Sometimes they are unavoidable. What we need to do is learn to manage them and have the ability to let them affect us as little as possible.
But why do conflicts arise?
One of the main reasons is diversity. All of us are different both in the way we think and feel and in the way we react, work and communicate with others. So, when we socialize with others and fail to find a common code, conflict may occur.
How can we manage or avoid conflicts?
- Handle the situation politely and as early as possible
Resolve the conflict at its inception. As the situation continues, things get more confusing and tension rises. Approach situations with positive intent when they arise. Politely ask what has gone wrong or what needs to be fixed, trying to maintain a calm atmosphere. Focus on resolving the issue politely and immediately, without placing blame and accusation.
- React later
Delayed reaction initially helps you distance yourself from the stimulus and reduces, to some extent, the tension that an event or person has created. It gives you time to then think over the stimulus: 1) How important is it? 2) Is in indeed the cause of the tension you feel?
Often people struggle with something and take their frustration out on something else. An everyday example is: “I’ve had an argument with my boss and when I came home and my daughter hadn’t finished her homework I screamed as if something tragic had happened. But if I were to evaluate it, I would have noticed that the source of the anger could be found at work and not at my daughter’s homework’’.
- Look at the “big picture”
When you frequently come into conflict with a particular person it is helpful to evaluate them as a whole. If, for example, you have frequent tensions with your boss it is important to remind yourself of all of his characteristics. That is, on the one hand he is often abrupt and rude, on the other hand he recognizes your effort and rewards you for it.
All people have different aspects to their character, so it is important to evaluate them all in order to have as objective an image of others as possible.
- Communicate appropriately
The way you try to communicate with someone is very important. Quite often we are careful with what we say to someone, with the vocabulary we use, but not with our body language or tone of voice. Frequently these two indicate something completely different that leads our interlocutor to a position of defense and the conflict between us is not long in coming.
Conflicts between people can also have a positive effect because they help us find solutions to our differences. But they often become uncontrollable, so it is best to try to manage them by respecting both sides.
A conflict will not be resolved by solely looking through our point of view. It is important to show understanding to others, give them time and space and respect their boundaries.