Why do fears come true? (Self-fulfilling prophecy)
Why is it that when we fear something strongly, it ends up happening?
Are we & unlucky or do we also play a part in it?
Since we don’t believe much in the luck factor, the latter is usually the case. Often, a bad scenario, an unpleasant image or negative characteristic comes to mind so strongly that we end up turning it into a reality through our actions. We are essentially trapped in a vicious circle where negative thinking that we are falling behind or that we will fail makes us behave in a corresponding way and we eventually get the result we feared, thus confirming that we were right to be fearful of what could happen all along.
If, for example, I’m m afraid that on the first date I won’t seem interesting enough, I may automatically talk much less, be more collected, less expressive and avoid initiating discussions. So, it is very possible that the other person will consider me boring (without necessarily being) and thus I will confirm my fear and ‘’carry’’ the label of a boring person.
But why do we fall into this trap?
From childhood to suffering...
We all have memories from our childhood in which our mom, dad, grandma and other people close to us repeatedly gave us specific characteristics, for example: irresponsible, active, serious, etc. These adjectives probably follow us in adult life, too; for example: “Since he was a child, he was shy’’.
These are characterizations attributed to us by our closest and dearest persons, the persons we trusted more than anyone. As children we did not have the critical ability to shake them off and so we initiated the process of making them our own and acting on them. It is very possible that the child who was characterized as a phobic, turned into an adult with phobias.
Reduced self-confidence
People with low self-confidence tend to have insecurities in many areas of their lives. They are prejudiced from the start that they will not do well enough, whether it concerns their work or their relationships or some other area of their life. Thus, they are much more vulnerable to confirming a negative characterization, whether it comes from others or from themselves. They are even more likely to attribute faults to themselves and act on them.
Negative thinking
People in whom negativity prevails, very often turn this negativity on themselves. The negative thoughts that they will not succeed, will not be liked, will be unlucky, etc. are much stronger than the more positive and optimistic ones. So, even when something good happens to them, they will not be able to see it, instead they will find a negative extension of it.
How do we get out of the self-fulfilling prophecy trap?
Accepting ourselves
We are not perfect! We are human, and perfection by definition does not exist. This means that we all have some special characteristics that may not be acceptable by everyone. It doesn’t matter, as long as they we are the ones who accept them. I may not be the ‘’heart of the group’’ but if I’ m okay with that, I’ll be a member of the group and that is just as well.
Self-knowledge
No one knows ourselves better than we do. Deep down we know who we are, what pleases us, what makes us happy and what bothers us. The characterizations of the past can stay where they belong, in the past!
Positivity
Let’s focus our attention on our positive elements, our smile and our good mood. Let’s expect a positive outcome when we work towards something and if it doesn’t come, at least we will have enjoyed the process. Let’s empower ourselves instead of self-sabotaging!